• Jeff South

55


I don't blog much anymore. My very first post on my old Upstream of Consciousness blog simply shared some random thoughts on my 43rd birthday. I made it a point after that to post a kind of annual assessment of my life to commemorate my birthday. I spent some time this week reading over some of those posts. They've been funny, introspective, and have even served as a way to help me work through some stuff. Last year, I was feeling very angsty and downright cynical about life and mankind. It was my first birthday post on Upstream of Consciousness since my 51st birthday. For 52 and 53, I used my author website. The last line of last year's post was "Maybe when I post on July 30th, 2022, I will have a different outlook."


So, do I?


Maybe a little. Maybe not. I dunno. I'm working on it.


These annual posts have always been reflections on the previous year. A catalog of the personal events from the last birthday to the current one. They've been a nice reflection on life. Since posting about my disenchantment with humanity last July, life has stayed fairly calm. Work is going well. Roof over our heads. Food on our table. Grandparent life continues to be the best life imaginable. I continued work on a second novel that should be ready very soon. I know I keep saying that, but I guarantee you my next novel will out before George R.R. Martin's. I caught COVID. 0/10 Stars. Do not recommend.


The issue before me as I type this is priorities. Not the huge life stuff, but, rather the writing ones. Specifically, do I even want to bother with blogging anymore. This is my first post since January 18th of this year, when I shared an excerpt from that novel I swear is almost ready. The motivation to blog has waned over the years. I get ideas, but the follow through isn't there. Blogging feels so very 2010s. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about that. Not sure I'm ready to let this part of my creativity go. I'm also not sure what else I have to say.


Change is weird phenomenon. I read a numerology article about the number 55 which said this number "may be seen as a sign to let go of those things and situations that are no longer serving you and allow the changes that are manifesting to usher in a new phase in your life." Usually I embrace change. Maybe it harkens back to my theater days when you ran a show, closed it, and moved on to the next one or the way improvisation forces you to work with sudden change when new information is brought into the scene. Perhaps the letting go of blogging is a natural change. Just go with it.


Maybe I'll do some posts periodically as the mood strikes, but unlike previous years, it won't be a priority. It's hard to let it go completely, though. Another numerology blog mentioned that 55 is a number of change and signifies the need to clear out old energy. "Now would be a good time to clear out all the clutter in your house and make room for the new energy," it says. The time has to come to embrace a new energy when it comes to this space.


Will this be my last blog post ever? Probably not, but it's time to stop pressuring myself and feeling guilty for not doing it. Maybe by doing so I can welcome a new creative energy in.


I'll check back in on birthday 56 and let you know how it's going.


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