I'm Going to Delete This Later Because It Sucks

This was going to be a review of the excellent film Project Hail Mary.

No. Wait. Actually, I wanted to share my thoughts on the outstanding Joe Hill novel, King Sorrow.

I also watched the first paintball episode of Community the other day. Sharing my reaction to that would be fun. On my other blog, Metaphysical Furniture, I've written about a couple of my favorite TV episodes.

People ask me how to write a book or start a blog. The answer is appallingly simple: start writing and see what happens. And yet there is so much more to it than that. Physically sitting down to put thoughts to paper is the easy part. Clearing your head of the all junk that can talk you out of it is a different story.

I have so much writing I want to do. My current WIP. A screenplay for a horror-comedy/creature feature. A TV pilot episode. Blog posts. Other stories and books that I have in my head. My goal for April was to post here daily (or at least every other day) and share on social media. MARKETING! OR SOMETHING LIKE IT! The blog posts are an attempt to connect people with my writing in the hopes they will buy my books. "Hey, this guy's pretty good," they might say. "I should by his books and tell the whole world about him." Has that happened?

Then, I remind myself of why I write in the first place: to get it all out of my head. The desire (nay, NEED) to write is overwhelming. The sheer volume of stuff I want to write threatens to freeze me up. I sat down here to write about a movie but then couldn't decide how to get it going despite having my notes in front of me. Let's try the book review then, I told myself. Froze up. Fine. TV episode reaction it is. Still more freezing.

Writing anything is so hard. Never harder than when you think everything you write is shite. That's my mood right now. My usual process is: 1) Write it and get it all out 2) Figure out how to edit it later. Today's mindset guides this process: 1) Write it and delete it because no one and I mean NO ONE cares about what you have to say about anything. This isn't writer's block. I know what I want to write and where I see it going. Possibly impostor's syndrome is paying its semi-regular visit.

I wonder if perhaps this isn't for me. Let it go and find some

**I walked away from this post and put my laundry away with the intention of coming back to delete this entire post because it's stupid and dumb and I'm stupid and dumb. Everything is stupid and dumb. This is what it is to be a writer.

It's a mental game, writing. And for me the best way to play is to back to why I write in the first place: me. I write for me. My stories are the kind I would want to read if I saw them online or in a bookstore. The humor entertains me. Along the way, others have taken a shine to it which makes me happy. Do I want bigger, broader success? Of course. That would be amazing. But once I get it in my head that that's the ultimate goal, I shut down. When I return to doing this to get it all out of my head, I thrive.

This post exists because I had to get it out of my head.

But I'll delete it later because it's stupid and dumb and I'm stupid and dumb and writing is stupid and dumb.