• Jeff South

The Kilroy All-Star Christmas Spectacular: Dashing Through The Chapters

I whip two Multiblasters from my back holsters because I'm always carrying two and I came extra prepared to this fight. So, when we all agreed to put down our weapons, I only put down the Multiblaster that the Herpezoids saw me with. This ain't my first Herpezoid rodeo. I open fire with both guns blazing, but the Head Honcho ducks and dodges away. My blasts hit some stray Herpezoids and they explode into their usual puddle of goo. Mom, Tony, Randi, Dean, and Kevin scramble to their weapons as the Herpezoids starting flipping tables and throwing chairs. The Corporate employees brought in scream and run hoping to escape the melee. I sprint toward the fleeing Head Honcho and slip and slide through the Herpezoid goo on the floor. Gross.


Kenzie has engaged with an alien, slamming his head into a table, while Randi has jumped on the back of a Herpezoid. She lands several punches to his head. Mom is fighting off two other slimeballs with some martial arts moves. She roundhouse kicks one of them and flips another onto its back. With Cheap Trick's "I Want You Your Christmas" blaring over the sound system, we now have a real party on our hands.


I catch Head Honcho sprinting toward the exit but he's stopped cold from shots from another Multiblaster. I glance up to see who is firing and spot Kelly Clarkson shooting.

"Nice job, Kelly Clarkson!" I yell.


Tony finishes off another alien and rushes to help Kelly, whose shots are deflected by a chair Head Honcho is brandishing. He throws the chair at her and she dives out of the way. I need to stop him. Kevin's voice calls out to me.


"Jeff! The putty! Throw the putty!"


I pull the putty from my pocket and hurl it at the wall by the exit. The putty splats against the wall and a door with a giant sign reading "Emergency Exit" forms.


"Look you guys!" A Herp calls out. "Emergency exit!"


The Head Honcho spots it and tries to wave everyone away from it, but Herpezoids lack critical thinking skills so three of the aliens crashed into it and fell to the ground. A shot each from Tony, Randi, and Kevin drops the three aliens to the floor in a puddle of slimy mess leaving only Head Honcho pinned against the wall. We all have our weapons drawn on him and he holds his green, scaly arms up.


"You think you've won?" he laughs. "You haven't won."


"You suck," I tell him. "Only a dirty pooderhead like you would try to ruin our Christmas."


"Oh, I still can," he says.


"How?" Tony asks. "You're outnumbered."


Kenzie screams. Others scream. We turn and look to see Kenzie pointing toward the main door of the cafeteria. The Christmas tree that the Holiday Party Committee spent hours decorating is surrounded by presents for the Dirty Santa gift exchange that was planned for later. Bounding in through the entrance and knocking over that tree is an alien I've never seen before. Probably eight or nine feet tall. Orange like puked up pumpkin pie. Humanoidish. Devilishly handsome, I must admit. The creature is not wearing pants which makes it painfully obvious it is male, which has the HR representatives in a fit. Dude is hung.


The Head Honcho bellows with laughter. "You can't win. Your Christmas is really ruined now!"


"What the hell is that thing?" Kelly Clarkson asks.


What the hell, indeed.


To be continued...





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